Here's a letter I received from a former neighbor of mine about a year ago.
1. The first issue I have to discuss regarding this letter is your spelling. "Discused" is properly spelled "discussed." "Annoiance" is actually spelled "annoyance." "Donet" I believed you to mean "don't." "You" should be "your," and "tonite" is "tonight"- unless you're tweeting or texting, in which case different rules apply. But don't be embarrassed by the fact that you're older than my parents, and that someone thirty years younger is correcting you.
2. I guess I could understand how you might be intimidated by me, especially since I weigh in at an incredible 110lbs. I'm assuming that is the reason, after all, you chose to leave an anonymous letter on my front door when I wasn't home. It's too bad I don't know who to apologize to though. Oh! Who am I kidding? Like you said, I'm inconsiderate. I probably wouldn't have even bothered.
3. I wish you had told me that there were neighborhood meetings, and that you were our street's personal policeman. Then I could have attended and complained about the crying babies I hear, the people blocking my parking space daily, and the obnoxiously loud footsteps I heard above me throughout the night. I'm sure those meetings would have also been the perfect opportunity for me to do something about my upstairs neighbors. They were too stupid to know that you can't shove chicken skin and vegetables down a sink that doesn't have a disposal, and it ended up all over my kitchen floor. I'm pretty understanding when it comes to apartment living. But I see now through your example you were right. Instead of cleaning it up myself, I should have demanded they be more considerate of me, ordered them to STOP THE COOKING! and never eat again.
4. You pay rent? That's so weird. I lived there for free the entire time! You should talk to your landlord about that. And I'm sorry you have to work hard. That's terrible. I wish you could enjoy the ease of my job which includes emotional and financial stress, insecurity, unpredictability, instability, ego maniacs, and being treated like a doormat most of your life. I'm ashamed of my laziness and lack of motivation- which are primarily responsible for putting me in a position to be judged and rejected daily.
5. Though I did get straight A's in school, I failed my telepathy course. That might explain why I was unaware of what was happening in places I was not. But you're right- that's completely my fault. I should have studied harder, or at least taught my dog how to behave respectfully with impeccable manners while I'm away.
6. You must have an air conditioner. Good for you! Unfortunately, my free rent did not include a unit and the windows were vertical - not horizontal - so I couldn't even buy a portable one to put in if I wanted to. Could you imagine summer in Los Angeles without air?? Evidently not or you would have understood why my windows were constantly open. But you're right, your desire to enjoy silence was much more pressing than the body temperature of my dog and me- even though it is possible to die from heat stroke. It makes much more sense to keep those windows closed - absolutely!
7. Thanks for informing me that my across the driveway neighbor was given the same letter. I then had someone else to make fun of you with.
8. You were right in this entire situation. But that became erroneous with your horribly offensive and rude letter. A simple "Your dog is barking a lot when you're away. Would you mind doing something about it for your neighbors? Thank you in advance for your consideration," would have sufficed. You would have saved yourself a lot of time- especially in sounding out those misspelled words as you wrote them.
9. It's my personal belief that you should be more concerned with people not cleaning up after their pets. That seems to be a hot mess on that street-literally. And by the way, there were never any from my dog so you're welcome for that. Perhaps you should be spending more time tracking those little defecators down and less time embarrassing yourself with angry letters- aren't you familiar with the internet?!
10. Since your mother didn't teach you to spell, I'm assuming she also failed to warn you that this world is full of a lot of assholes.
11. Congratulations, you just became one of them.
12. And finally, a word of advice from me to you: never mess with a bitch. In this case, you messed with two. So I hope you enjoyed the fact that after receiving your letter, whenever I left my house, I opened every single window, and tied my dog to the front one- just for you :)
9. It's my personal belief that you should be more concerned with people not cleaning up after their pets. That seems to be a hot mess on that street-literally. And by the way, there were never any from my dog so you're welcome for that. Perhaps you should be spending more time tracking those little defecators down and less time embarrassing yourself with angry letters- aren't you familiar with the internet?!
10. Since your mother didn't teach you to spell, I'm assuming she also failed to warn you that this world is full of a lot of assholes.
11. Congratulations, you just became one of them.
12. And finally, a word of advice from me to you: never mess with a bitch. In this case, you messed with two. So I hope you enjoyed the fact that after receiving your letter, whenever I left my house, I opened every single window, and tied my dog to the front one- just for you :)
Remember:
You get a lot more with honey than you do with vinegar.
Though you might be the only person in your world, you are simply one of a zillion in the real one.
The world does not revolve around a single person, nor does it stop everything to accommodate them.
Treat others with respect, believe in karma, and more importantly, believe in the best in other people.
It takes one person to set into motion a chain of events that bring about change.
You get a lot more with honey than you do with vinegar.
Though you might be the only person in your world, you are simply one of a zillion in the real one.
The world does not revolve around a single person, nor does it stop everything to accommodate them.
Treat others with respect, believe in karma, and more importantly, believe in the best in other people.
It takes one person to set into motion a chain of events that bring about change.
Hypocritical? Maybe. But hey, I'm trying my best.
